Lord...do what you will

My posting here are so irregular-this should change. One thing I have learned-If I don't write it down-I don't remember...therefore it's a shame not to record ones life.

Reflections

I am back at Liberty. Two more weeks and I will be out of here... It's a crazy thought, really. I am half way done with my sophomore year of college. Next semester I will be junior status. Where has the time gone? But more than that, how have I used the time that has passed?

I read a quote on the way back from break that made me ponder such a question...it went something like this:

happy the man, and happy he alone who can call today his own; He who is secure within can say, tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today.

-John Dryden

-So often I feel as if I live counter to this quote. I'm often putting of until tomorrow what I could do today-I'm often saying I'll do better tomorrow. But this isn't a healthy mindset. There is something to the whole idea of going to bed at night being able to say the words of Mr. Dryden. There is a balance however. It would be easy to think that one is never doing all they could do for our Savior-and therefore get discouraged. A constant discouragement about what is or isn't completed is not a good place to be. It comes down to the heart. Am I seeking to follow my savior every day? If so, he WILL use me...perfection is not a realistic goal--but seeking to glorify God by my life is. If this is my desire, I rest in his grace saying, Lord do what you will, I am yours.

Lord-may I live in such a way as to emulate such a follower after you.

May I have the strength to endure if such situations come my way.

May I live with the same passion and resolve whether I live in prosperity or poverty.

May I serve you alone with my thoughts, my time, my talents-  to be worthy of the call. 

May I credit you alone with any success, blessing, or transformation I encounter. 

Missionaries Creed

We live in such a way that no one will stumble because of us,

and no one will find fault with our ministry. 

In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. 

We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind. 

We have been beaten, 

been put in prison, 

faced angry mobs, 

worked to exhaustion, 

endured sleepless nights, 

and gone without food.

We prove ourselves by our purity,

our understanding,

 our patience

our kindness

by the Holy Spirit within us,

and by our sincere love.

We faithfully preach the truth.

God's power is working in us.

We use the weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack 

and the left hand for defense.

We serve God whether people honor or despise us,

whether they slander us or praise us.

We are honest, but they call us. 

We are ignored, even though we are well known.

We live close to death, but impostors we are still alive.

We are beaten, but we have not been killed.

Our hearts ache, but we always have joy.

We are poor, but we give spiritual riches to others. 

We own nothing, and yet we have everything.

2 Corinthians 6: 2-10

red symbolizing the persecution I have not had to endure...

September 19, 2009

The year continues to fly by. We have been in school for a month....I've been here for over a month. It is so easy to live life in a blur...go go go...all of the time. I'm bad at balancing life. On the other hand--my overachieving may be beneficial....according to this quote--

The danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short, but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.

 -Michelangelo Buonanoti 1475-1564

On a lighter note...happenings in my life--

I drank an entire coffee black-by choice. And liked it.

I long boarded and broke my sandal. 

I cut Jordan's hair-and didn't fail. 

I am officially a coffee shop nut.

Elisa taught me how to snap. 

Sept 17 was head covering day...embraced on 33-6

Prasanna got a kitten-Penny. She makes my life.

Elisa is God's gift of a roommate. 

I love tea parties. 

I played fugitive for the first time yesterday-and got a blood blister. meh.

Charissa and Jeremy were here! I miss them so so much. They are off to Moroco at the beginnning of 2010...

No Excuses

The next time you think you have an excuse why God can't use you, remember the following people: 

Noah was drunk, Abraham was too old, Isaac was a daydreamer, Jacob was a liar, Leah was ugly, Joseph was abused, Moses was a murderer (like David and Paul), Deborah was a woman, Gideon was afraid, 

Samson had long hair, Rahab was a  prostitute, Jeremiah and Timothy were too young, David pretended to be mad, had an affair and ran away from his own son, Elijah was suicidal, Isaiah preached naked, Jonah ran away from God, Naomi was a widow, Job was bankrupt, John the Baptist ran around in a loin cloth-and ate locusts, Peter was impulsive and hot-tempered, John was self-righteous, The disciples fell asleep while praying, Martha worried about everything, Mary was so Jesus minded she was no earthly good, Mary Magdalene was demon-possessed, The boy with the fish and five rolls of bread was too obscure, The Samaritan woman was divorced - more than once, Zacchaeus was too small, Paul was too religious, Timothy had a stomach ulcer, and Lazarus was dead. 

No more excuses-

drinking tea and reading spurgeon

I led my first legit prayer group today. I was so nervous. I hate public speaking. I can't formulate my thoughts articulately. I felt very inept. Yet, my girls seemed to understand. Therefore the only thing I can say is the Lord Almighty is faithful. I love it when: I know he brought me through-yet I still made enough mistakes to keep me humble.

As for the night as a whole---God is Faithful. He has done great things. Praise be to God.

Another year has begun-and with it, another effort to update the blog. So many things have changed this year. I am not a lover of change-especially when it nudges me quite forcefully out of the comfort zone I enjoyed so immensely. I have a choice-to hold on, and miss out, or to embrace where I am at this given time, and realize God's plan is perfect. Have Faith.

Another conviction came in the way of Spurgeon.

Genesis 24:63 "Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide."-

Very admirable was his occupation.

 If those who spend so many hours in idle company, light reading, and useless pastimes, could learn wisdom, they would find more profitable society and more intersting engagements in meditation than in the vanities which now have such charms over them. We should all know more, live nearer to God, and grow in grace, if we were more alone. Meditation chews the cud and extracts the real nutriment from the mental food gathered elsewhere. When Jesus is the theme, meditation is sweet indeed. Isaac found REbecca while engaged in private musings; many others have found their best beloved there.

Very admirable was the choice place.

In the field we have a study hung round with texts fro thought. From the cedar to the hyssop, from the soaring eagle down to the chirping grasshopper, from teh blue expanse of heaven to a drop of dw, all things are full of teaching, and when the eye is divinely opened, that teaching flases upon the mind far more vividly than from written books. Our little rooms are neither so healthy, so suggestive, so agreeable, or so inspiring as the fields. Let us count nothing common or unclean. but feel that all created things point to their maker, and the field will at once be hallowed.

Very Admirable was the season.

The season of sunset as it draws a veil over the day, befits that repose of the sould when earthborn cares yield to the joys of heavenly communion. The glory of the setting sun excites our wonder, and the solemnity of approaching night awakens our awe. If the business of this day will permit it, it will be well, dear reader, if you can spare an hour to walk in the field at eventide, but if not, the Lord is in the town too, and will meet with thee in thy chamber or in the crowded street. Let thy heart go forth to meet Him. 

Being Quiet. Being Alone. Being still. Not so popular in our culture-which explains why the struggle is present to act on this discipline of meditation. Yet the benefits are innumerable. Convicting.

The time lapse between my last entry and this one is beyond ridiculous. I get into habits, but I can just as easily get out of the habit.  :S So much has happened over the past month and a half, there is no way I can account for it all~although the lack of documentation is a a bit saddening. But I must start anew somewhere-hence this post---

Yesterday was an interesting Easter. My Easter usually consists of going to church, and having lunch with my extended family at my house. Yesterday, however, my mom left for Europe-so we joourneyed to Washington D.C. to drop her off. While we were in the vicinity, we decided to visit Mark Dunsts church--Capital Hill Baptist. I loved it. It was growing, but not a mega church. It was solid but not dry. It was friendly but not fake. It was deep but not incomprehensible. It was large but still strangely intimate. 

We like it so much, we went back for the evening service---after sitting at Panera and doing homework in the afternoon of course~ :) The evening service showed how much that church was doing--and also how it is possible for a church of 600 members to still feel like family. People shared about the ministries of the church-its present and past members-for the majority of the time. Then they prayed for the concerns. It showed how much of a value they place on not only prayer, but relationships. It was refreshing. It was good. I would go back =)

The time in PA is drawing to a close-I leave to return to LU in just a few short hours---for three more weeks of craziness. Then I will be a sophomore. In college. Weird.  

so long-

i have had so much to write about, but have not made keeping a consistent blog a priority. this is a sad reality, but nevertheless, a reality indeed.

Things to be thankful for-

i am an official nursing student. i cannont wAiT until april when i can get my nursing uniform :)

i have a "real job." --working as a CNA at The Village of Laurel Run. after completing my CNA training in may-i will start my full time job there. the circumstances around obtaining this job can only be explained through God's grace and provision. the benefits to this are multifaceted~its crazy. anyway if all goes according to plan-i will make enough money to hopefully go oversees the summer after my sophomore year. how exciting is this??

woops! gotta go...

there is nothing better than a good cup of tea-(except a good cup of coffee :) at a unique coffee shop-with friends. an example of such a unique coffee shop is epitomized in a place named the white hart. i heart it--because it is so one of a kind. not only is it the site of an old irish pub--but its character goes beyond that. when you walk in, there is pottery for sale on the one wall...next to the pottery-is the coffee bar-where you can get the white hart brew (so good) or any other various drink--including your choice of over 20 loose leaf teas. next to the coffee bar- a real bar emerges--(they have the red strip beer which is the jamaican national beer-fyi.) the bar tender just adds to the picture. :] -then-if you are hungry-they also make real food. we ordered fries. the girl took out the potato-and put it through a hand chopper-then fried them. soo good--yet so random. the entire back end of the store is filled with books that are for sale...then, beyond the spare room-is this spacious back porch. i imagine groups of friends, sitting out there in the dusk of spring, heads close together as they discuss some revolutionary idea, while sipping african skies tea, or white hart coffee....in the main room...uneven wood board floors, rich wall colors, white pillars, arches, and a fireplace all add the the character of the place. when i was there last night there was a group of musicians playing there fiddles, banjos and guitars. they were absolutely amazing--didn't use a spot of music. talk about atmosphere. unreal...

i'm afraid of commitment. i discovered this at convo this morning--when those who wanted to commit their lives to full-time missions were asked to stand. i have talked of my dream of going to africa-and using my nursing education for those less fortunate-but if saying yes to full-time missions was like signing to the armed forces-i'm not sure i could sign. this is my personality on a  lot of things. people ask me-are you doing this? will you commit to this? and i always answer with-i'm not sure. i wait until the last minute to decide things-so that i leave the door open for changes. maybe it's a trust issue. can i surrender control of my future to God? nursing in itself is a way of having security. i tell myself that no matter what happens-i will always have a good job-i will never want of anything. this isn't necessarily good-it gives me a reason to trust in my own abilities-rather than to be totally dependent on God. 

a friend said something today that made me think. it isn't the major that God uses-it's our heart-completely surrendered to His purposes. He isn't asking me to commit to 50 years of my life in Africa-He is asking me to be faithful. to trust. one step at a time--i don't need to have my life figured out. i just need to be willing to go anywhere-for the cause of Christ. and he will provide what i need for each step of the way.

i keep thinking that my future is faaar in the future. false. time has gone so fast-this semester is flying by-and before i know it, my freshman year will be finished. crazy-scary thought...

i'm feeling sorry for myself hardcore right now. i need to get over it pronto. i am sooooo blessed~

-i have three major tests this week-and i have been studying-yet for the past few hours, this dedication has lagged. i believe i could trace this phenomenon to the fact that I am in my room, which for some reason is the hardest place for me to concentrate-even with my roommate snoozing quietly on the other side of the room...

there is so much information-yet i enjoy learning it, and only wish that i could retain all the information i have been pouring over. what a potentially amazing nurse i would be if i didn't forget? hmmmm...needless to say-the next few days promise to be painful. school. food. exercise. and studying. serves me right for my work ethic for the past month. oh! and i may go to a local coffee shop with jordan tomorrow night-coffee makes everything less painful :) as do friends. 

speaking of jordan, i cut his hair again tonight. it boggles my mind to think he trusted me TWICE with his locks-haha especially with my haphazard pull and snip method of executing a hair cut. i enjoy it-you never now what might happen when i get the scissors :) chuckle. 

happy memories of the day: breakfast with Elena. christina's bucket list :) water chugging contest. haha totally embarrassing myself in the quiet study room... a 45 min class instead of a 3 hr class. eating real food :D doing the Caribbean dance class. singing elephant love melody wayyy loud in abby's car. eating a pickle. cutting hair...

when I grow up...

So maybe these pictures are a little weird...but I'm in a reminiscent mood. You see, I turned in my application to the Nursing Department today. This is a big step for me it seems. My future is not so in the future anymore...I am living my future. Weird thought.... Anyway, the these pics are of a necklace that my aunt gave me when I was just a little girl. Back when I said I want to be a nurse when I grow up...I love this necklace-and keep it right above my desk so I never forget my end goal-nor those who have supported me...

 

When I graduated from highschool-a close family friend gave me this pink stethoscope. No doubt my favorite present EvEr...

It was amazing today to sit and reflect over what all God has done to get me to this point. Who knew that I would be where I am today five years ago? Back then I wanted to cook. :D But God knew. And he knows where I will be in five years too. How comforting is that?

So-here I stand-officially applied to the Liberty University Nursing Program~

Sigh. Relief.

ah superbowl...

Go StEeLeRs....! woot-tonight was fun. I honestly am not even a football fan-but of course i'm from pa--so what do u expect? :D There were so many people there tonight--we made a legit meal-steaks-potatoes-green beans-rolls-meatballs-chicken-a ton of snacks...cakes :) and mud dessert---drinks and sweet tea...the boys had it good-and loved it :) We served them and everything--i think it impressed them-some said it went beyond what they did for us-others said it was close-but anyway you look at it-it was a lot of time-and love put into the meal :) Abby, Mary and I did our part-the cakes--which are pictured above. We were quite proud of them. Oh-they need an explanation though :) we have the self explanatory football cake---with the steelers bleachers, and cardinal bleachers on each side. The bottom picture is when they were just made. Anyway--so then we made the faces of everyone who was coming--with their funniest facebook face :) When they came in-we asked what team they were rooting for-and stuck them in the respective stands... :) ahhh happiness.

So we ended up not going to Grace this morning. Mary's phone died-so she didn't wake up. :(I was quite disappointed-but it ended up being good-because we went to campus church-and i needed to hear that message. About how this part of our lives is the preparation. About how its not enough to just pass-or just get by-but that we should  be planning for our future-investing in our education. We should be trying to stretch our minds and be as ready as we can for what God may use us for in the future. PlAnNiNg ahead=being responsible. being purposeful. not procrastinating. studying before hanging out. All these things are things i have been doing a pretty rotten job at recently. I need to be disciplined enough that i chose what I should do above what i want to do. It is so easy to say-this is what I am going to do/be in 4 years, in 7 years, in 23 years...but i'm not going to jump from my current condition-to super wise, disciplined wonder God woman in these years--living an average-mediocre life on a day to day basis. This is a hard reality to grasp. An even harder one to live. 

Things that make me smile:

I-and my friends-made a cakes today-and decorated them uber pretty.

I very well could go snowboarding in five short days.

I have become close to two very precious, pretty and fun roommates :)

I met with my mentor on Friday-and we click so well. She seems so fun-yet she is for real about Jesus.

Tomorrow night promises to be pretty swell...

We watched Little Women tonight. I always wanted to be Amy-

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I did my laundry today-purely out of necessity.

I can honestly say I spent way too much time on homework last semester-and way too little this semester :S

to expound....my coffee date with my mentor made me uber excited...not only did i learn about her life-and her struggles when she was a freshman-but we also went to barnes and noble and picked out a book to read together-called Having a Mary spirit in a Martha world. I'm excited-it should be good. Oh! Its her 22nd birthday today-so-happy birthday kayla :)

I've been pretty lackadaisical about the whole church thing. It just has been so sparatic-with schedule-campus church-and church hopping. Every church seems to have strengths-but then also big weaknesses-or red flags even. Tomorrow we are going back to Grace Church--which I remember liking best of all-and wanting to try it again. Hmmm...I'm going with Abby, Mary, Caitlin and Aaron-so we will see what they think of it.

I need to tone down the socializing-i just can't say no-

I should be asleep. what is my problem.

-ever and always

So I keep a pocket sized My Utmost for His Highest in my purse. Sometimes a group of us will be sitting somewhere-and I will pull it out-and read the days passage out loud. I love reading aloud-and I like it even more if someone gets something from what I am reading. Good ol' oswald seldom lets me down-and yesterday was no exception. This little page of goodness may seem obvious-but you can never hear it enough-hence my posting it:

Look again and think

A warning which needs to be reiterated is that the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the lust of other things entering in, will choke all that God puts in. We are never free from the reurring tides of this encroachment. If it does not come on the lines of clothes and food, it will come on the line of money or lack of money; of friends or lack of friends; or on the line of difficult circumstances. It is one steady encroachment all the time, and unless we allow the Spirit of God to raise up the standard against it, these things will come in like a flood.

"Take no thought for your life,"  "Be careful about one thing only," says our Lord - "your relationship with me." Common sense shouts loud and says- "That is ABSURD. I must consider how I am going to live, I must consider how I am going to eat and drink." Jesus says you must NOT. Beware of allowing the thought that this statement is made by One who does not understand our particular circumstances. Jesus Christ knows our circumstances better than we do, and He says we must not think about these things so as to make them the one concern of our life. Whenever there is competition, be sure that you put your relationship to God first.

"Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." How much evil has begun to threaten you today? What kind of mean little imps have been looking in and saying- Now what are you going to do next month, this summer? [the rest of your life...] "Be anxious for nothing," Jesus says. Look again and think. Keep your mind on the "much more" of your heavenly Father.

-so my favorite line is the part that says --"what kind of mean little imps..." it cracks me up :D but beyond that....the part that says friends--or lack of friends... as a reason to draw us away from God. How true is this? We can be wishing and wishing for close friends-to be accepted. We can work to achieve a position of acceptance-putting it above a relationship with God. On the other hand-having these friends-it is easy to put them on a pedestal of importance. The real deal is we should rely on God through the friendless times-and bless him even more when he provides us with such precious relationships. As usual-easier said than done.

---Today is PATHOPHYSIOLOGY day! woot... 1:45-4:15=the legit class-then from 4:30-6:30=the study session. I am going to be SO patho'd out. I can only pray this day will lead to a deeper understanding. To be honest, this class freaks me out. My understanding is sooo limited. 

notecards are calling-

virginia weather=bipolar...

i dislike virginia weather immensely. i mean-it's january-and it is precipitating. rain. blah. a snow day today would have been surreal, but, alas i found myself trekking through the gray misery at 7:30 this morning to learn about the old testament. the lack of excitement for this fact may seem sacrilegious, but at 7:30 am not much excites me. later in the lecture, dr. hartman said this-as to why God made woman out of adam's side:

" That the woman was made of a rib out of the side of adam; she was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but she was taken out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved..."

i may be a bit cheezy--a bit romantic--but i like this....

in two classes today we talked about fetal development-developmental psychology and gned (when talking about the issue of abortion.) anywayz this always amazes me-the incredible complexity of every aspect of conception-implantation-and growth...crazy design...and old testament was about gods amazing design in creation. and anatomy was was about the crazy design of the cardiovasuclar system. God's intelligent and detailed design was studied in every class today...makes me think of the differences in my education if i had chosen a secular school.

homework beckons...

pros and cons...

to be honest-sara is the real reason for this blessed little blog spot. she started hers a little bit ago-which made me reminisce back to the days of daily making xanga posts-or stalking those who did. despite what i didn't like about the xanga phase of life-i miss the blogging...getting some of ones thoughts out into the world. it makes you feel more contemplative-more apart of others lives as well. hence, i have succumbed yet again to an internet site which threatens to seep more of my time...but i belive it is somewhat worthwhile- and therefore i press forward with eagerness.

today starts week three of my second semester liberty saga. i feel more like a nursing student-and less like a freshman every day. i spent 4 hours at panera bread this afternoon pouring over my pathophysiology book. i understand not much of what i am reading, and cling to my medical dictionary as if studying anther language. ironic, because i am-greek and latin are on the menu in that class-and each wednesday i realize, with regret, the opportunity i had last year to study one of those blasted languages. my senior year..as well as laziness kept me from the committment...but, as they say, hind-sight is 20/20...

i also had my once a week evan class today-learning about salvation--which is the basis to learning about sharing ones faith. i expected to hear nothing new, but was surprised and encouraged to be proven wrong in this regard. i believe it is a good thing to again rehearse the great phenomenon on which we base our faith...again-we were let out early..an hour and a half to be exact :) 

psychology and old testament are next on my list. i have avoided them both with stubborn dedication, yet responsibility beckons....

until next time...